This Week... Wind, Van Dyk and Beyond...

Commentary

"People don't know exactly what I do; they just know I'm cool." – Diplo

"Everything government touches turns to crap." – Ringo Starr

"If it bleeds, we can kill it." – Arnold Schwarzenegger

It's been windy as f**k lately, I nearly fell off my bloody bike on the way in as a breeze from the North sent me sideways. Oh and some fat bloke went speeding off ahead into the distance, think he looked a bit like this? Anyway, cycling in London is perilous, smahed heads, broken limbs and those idiots who think it's appropriate as a fully grown adult to ride an electric scooter….

Who are these people? Where do they come from? I wouldn't even know where to buy a f**cking scooter yet here you are flying past me at 8am like some sort of floaty, speedy, hover beast. Anyway, that's all…

Elsewhere, the world entered a dark new age in which people can now tell people that they will die via facetime. However, this has sparked a whole new world of possibility, one which may not be as bad as first perceived…. Imagine being able to choose your death sentence filter? What would you pick? The licking dog? The dinosaur head? A smiley emoji? I'd choose this one…

This week we were queried with a wonderful conundrum…. Are Paul Van Dyk, Dick Van Dyke and Barry Van Dyke releated? Have they ever been spotted in the same room together and do you think that they might be interested in playing a rare b2b2b or v2d2v2d2v2d at a furure Ransom Note party? Can anybody make this happen? Internet, do your best….

Meanwhile, Netflix were on top form, at least the intern who made this was…

Glastonbury also announced more names which nobody cares about unless you are stuck in some sort of teenage time wharp from twelve years ago. This year you can see Snow Patrol sing songs about crying whilst wanking, The Killers sing songs about crying whilst wanking and Santigold singing those two songs that were in Skins that one time back when your life was a messy angst ridden pile of shite.

It's that time of the month when we have all overspent and payday looms far away in the distance. Fear not though, this guy has a solution…

Another is dancing away his problems…

And we've all done this before…

Brexit is still happening and this is the fresh faced type of world I imagine that we will be promised once the deal is done… Anyone remember the 'Early Learning Centre'?

Oh, and I finally watched something which made my television license feel truly worthwhile…

My girlfriend also made my week by showing me what might perhaps be the best Twitter account to ever exist… Here are some personal highlights…