This Week… Dry Covid?

"Life on Earth is at the ever-increasing risk of being wiped out by a disaster, such as sudden global nuclear war, a genetically engineered virus or other dangers we have not yet thought of." – Stephen Hawking

"All by myself, don't wanna be all by myself." – Celine Dion

"E-mails, phone calls, Web sites, videos. They're still all letters, basically, and they've come to outnumber old-fashioned conversations. They are the conversation now." – Walter Kirn

HAHAHAHA, I think bloody not. What a load of nonsense eh? These are turbulent times and as such turbulent measures are required, like a can at midday, a second at 1pm etc. Ransom Note does not condone drinking your way straight through the pandemic but… 

Anyway, how the hell have you been doing? We've been doing just grand, what with summer being cancelled and all. I'm writing this week but to be honest the concept of weekdays and weekends is now defunct, what day is it? What month is it? Am I even still alive? Who ate the last quarantine biscuit? These are the daily questions and disputes now plaguing the households of Great Britain. Up and down the country stressed out families are doing everything in their power not to kill each other over what would otherwise be very menial quarrels. Bandwith is in demand, as is privacy, space and the TV remote. It's tough out there but one thing we mustn't do is panic. 

The internet is now effectively the only form of communication, endless video calls have become the order of the day. I swear I've seen more of my colleagues from the comfort of my own bedroom in the past two weeks than I have in years!! Just kidding… 

Anyway, at least we have memes, instagram and silly videos to cheer us up, until they too become unessential at which point I will return to the fetal position and wait for the sweet relief of…