This Week… Dress Code is Sweat & Neat.

'I'm having a baby…with Marie' – A Badger

"Have you ever had a fucking grapefruit without an agenda." – S Roy

'My favourite season? Balearic Winter' – M Carol

What is this fresh hell? It's meant to be all crisp autumn mornings, with the leaves turning and a sense of change on the horizon. Instead October has been as soggy as a biscuit in the Eton school dormitory, and I for one am growing slightly tiresome of only owning canvas shoes.

Lil Louis is a bit of a odd one, isn't he? Made some good tunes and that, but, honestly. Who took this picture? His ghost producer?

When I look in the mirror, I’m not looking at you. What you have, what you do, is of no concern to me. Nor does it define me. Only what I do defines me… so because you cannot compete with me, my only competition is me.

I see your reflection and I raise you;

I went on holiday once to Cornwall, and there were a bunch of Druids camping in the next field. I'm unsure of the collective noun for fucking weirdos, so let's stick with bunch. Rising with the Sun, they'd partake in some batshit line-dance style worshipping, and I was genuinely terrified they'd lace my breakfast with LSD when I wasn't looking and enrol me in their gang.

ADE is a bit like that, except it's a load of old white dudes in black puffer jackets who try and entice you to 'get on board' with new streaming app by greasing you up with free Dutch lager.

An instant classic.

Festival season is upon us. Anyone want to come and see a drone light show celebrating Women in tech?

I for one would never fly my drones at something backed by an evil corporation like Amazon, I've got morals! Squeaky clean Coachella is much more my vibe.