This Week 17/3

“Live all you can, its a mistake not to. Yes, today is the first day of the rest of your life and the greatest time in history to be living. Now is the future we were thinking of last year.” Intro from Derricks Cut the Crap B2B mix.

“Well this is going to sell anyway so it doesn’t matter what I say here. Ok then…………sausages, roundabout, teeth, whip.” Norman Records review the current Four Tet/Caribou split 12“

“Can I just ask you one more question Mr Cameron… how do you sleep at night?” Matt Baker on One Show

“What you practice Jewaism?” Peter

“Colonel Gadafi’s son’s 11 million home in London has been taken over by squatters… it hasn’t had this many free loading parasites in it since Foxton’s went round to do the valuation.”

“David Cameron said of Colonel Gadafi’s bombing of rebel troops… ‘I don’t think we can stand aside and let this happen…’ as he stood aside and let this happen” Mr Carr’s first funny thing on 10′ o clock show.

“I just want people who haven’t got that much money to be able to get to wear expensive clothes for a night” Lily Allen, fighting for the working woman.

“I’m not a pussycat, or a mickey mouse… so I will fight.” Saif Al Gadafi

“Well it’s been a fairly disappointing start to the day.” Speak for yourself mate, don’t bring us all down! BBC Weatherman…

“Voting changes nothing.” R. Star

Jesus, what a week eh? The co-hort commented that it was the first tsunami/earthquake you watched as it happened, as opposed to rotating footage of the aftermath. Christ, that boat in the whirlpool was truly horrific. You were just left asking the question “If you’re filming it, for so long, surely the helicopter can fly down a down and rescue the people in the boat?!” Anyway, who am I to judge… you weren’t there man! Over 5,000 dead already, nuclear disaster beckons… good week over east! Was just mental turning on Ch 4 news last night to see that on top of everything… they’re having blizzards there!

So my Virgin TV is buggered today… I’m kind of on the point of thinking who cares. I know I’m making a really groundbreaking bold statement here – ooh Wil, you’re so out there – but TV in general is truly awful isn’t it. That Cruel Intentions film from time ago was on last night… all the kids loved it when I were a kid. Some trendy ass soundtrack on there… obligatory, totally unnecessary use of Fatboy Slim’s Praise You. Christ and now that Lily Allen ‘reality tv’ oh yeah I know exactly what’s going to work; people hiring ‘vintage’ clothes for 200 a time… nice, that’s what yer woman on the street wants isn’t it… well, if it means we watch this waste of space with the ridiculously annoying laugh, piss away 55 grand in a week, I’m all for it… here’s an idea Lily, why not do something positive with it mate… oh god, now the Model Agency’s on! Can you put the 10 o’ clock show on every night so I don’t have to gouge my eyes out with the hot spatula that’s just been used to make pancakes!

While we’re on the subject of Virgin services.. someone loves a bit of Virgin Atlantic.

So how bout we go and bomb Bahrain and a load of rebels in Libya while we’re at it eh? Let’s make the world a better place… in fact, why don’t we go to war with Libya too? It’s def got nothing to do with oil you hear, we need to protect the Libyan people, first and foremost.

So I literally haven’t left the house for 2 days… it’s not something I’m proud of or I’m shouting about, believe me… but it has got me to thinking about this whole modern ‘disease’ of the ‘work from home’ lifestyle. OK it’s great we’ve all liberated ourselves… we get to send emails all day from home but come on. I’m turning into a recloose and forgetting how to talk to people. The most exciting thing I’ve done all day apart from constantly write and stare at my screen is discover that I can get my computer to announce every time the hour comes round in a Kraftwerk voice. Made my day that has!

Why is David Willetts? What a face that man has. The Mail love him too “Why does a Tory minister want to be a Stalinist social engineer?” – what an amazing title. I downloaded their free app the other day of the whole paper (they have to give it away because no-one under 70 buys the paper and have never heard of a smartphone) – great free way to indoctrinate your mind. On the other hand, it’s an amazing way to laugh at the ridiculousness of how something like this can be published… and sell. In fact, that’s quite scary and sinister isn’t it?

Anyway, when will myspace finally die then? Will soundcloud be it’s final nail in the coffin. I think the day that I do a search for a band online and it doesn’t instantly go to their myspace will certainly be a day when my computer speeds, as it doesn’t choke, trying to load the myspazz player.

I appreciate it’s for a good cause but Chris Moyles for 37 hours on the radio?! Seriously, that’s just massively unpleasant and also massively unfair.

I seem to have managed to fill half a terrabyte of data on my computer… I’m actually not sure how that happens. Cue weekend of cleaning the fkker up.

Nicholas Witchell ‘the Royal Reporter’ is amazing isn’t he? “He’s clearly been touched by the people…” Cos he’s so special isn’t he… he’s so worthy.

Right, Mr Shepherd pitch in:

Downhill biking in mexico

Thailand has got talent

Possibly the worst thing that i have ever seen – I like the way that it says “no description available”. Editor’s note “It’s Friiiday, friiiiday gotta get down on Friiiiiiday, partyyyun, partyyyyun, fun, fun, looking forward to the weeekend. Yesterday was Thursday, today is Friday, we, we, we so excited.” Oop, hang we’ve just found a review of her here “Black’s song delves into the hardships that every typical tween faces, such as whether to sit in the front seat of the car or kick it in the back seat. Black further proves herself a lyrical genius when she sings lines like, “We, we, we so excited” or “Yesterday was Thursday / Today it is Friday” or “Fun, fun, fun, fun.”

The slowed down version is almost OK though.

Puccini is not always so long either.

Ta S.

Go on bully… punch that fat kid in the head… it’ll only have a good outcome. Ta Griff.

Right mi nonsenso:

Antarctica is the only continent without reptiles or snakes, The youngest pope was 11 years old and other facts such like.

Real life picachu, or just a tortured cat?

Go on son, catch that butterfly.

Everything is a remix

Sun melts rock

Meet the sloths at the sloth orphanage.

The United Kingdom explained… for yanks by the looks of it! Sanctimonius load of nonsense if you ask me. Thanks mate, tell me about my country and have a few little jibes at us. Least they’re educating em I guess…

Biggest full moon in two decades on Saturday

Right, I need to get out I think (and think). Get down the market and get some fruit. Ooh I’m going for dinner tonight… then I’m going to a gig at Union Chapel and then to Weatherall & Sean @ The Drop. It’ll be like having a real life n’ everything, not having people bark orders at me all day (and night) over email! Oh and Derrick Carter Saturday…

Life is returning.

Wx

Life is something special

If youre interested in getting involved with us, be it writing, stupidness or you simply have something you want to impart to the rest of the world, please get in touch with me here wil

If you’ve not signed up for our weekly rants… why not?! Rectify it forthwith here