This Week... Has It Come To This?

Commentary

"Brexit means Brexit." – Theresa May

"Brexit means Brexit." – Jean Claude Juncker

"Brexit means Brexit." – Michel Barnier

Yes, my friends, i'm afraid it has. Today is the day in which we leave the European Union. A rather sh*tty affair by all standards but onwards and upwards. There are upsides apparently – as of tomorrow hospitals will now become palaces and the corridors will be lined with marble and gold. Patients will be seen instantly, there will be queues of rich doctors actually stood outside the hospital doors fighting one another for the chance to make you FEEL BETTER FIRST. This is Brexit Britain after all and we now have a multi million pound NHS….

Elsewhere, as if things weren't bleak enough already, coronavirus has landed in the UK. Newcastle, apparently, the stronghold of the North. Greggs are yet to make a comment.

In the music world, Elon Musk (yes, the Tesla founder), is now making prog house. This morning he released a track via soundcloud called "Don't Doubt Ur Vibe". It sounds like a Bebo tagline from the 2000's and has about as much credibility to boot. These are the lyrics…

"Don't doubt your vibe, because it's true. Don't doubt your vibe, because it's you."

WE INTERRUPT THIS WEEK TO BRING YOU A SPECIAL ADVERTISMENT FROM THE BRIDGE CENTRE AT PORTSMOUTH.

Up North a mysterious ring has resurfaced, it was thought to be lost to the depths of Mordor but now it's appeared in Yorkshire…

(we advise reading the comments)