Commentary

"Tories must end tribalism and divisions." – Priti Patel

"We all fly. Once you leave the ground, you fly. Some people fly longer than others." – Michael Jordan

"I like alligator meat. Tastes like chicken." – Wade Boggs

Wow! What a week guys, it's all kicking right off in the heat of summer… How have you been? What's been going on lately? I hope you are well? Anyway, this week a chicken went one step beyond crossing the road and ended a scurge upon our streets… That's right gang, knife crime is a thing of the past thanks to these new Home Office approved chicken boxes which help prevent knife crime before it happens. Why didn't we spot it sooner? Who could have known that the solution was this simple? DUH!

Shout out to Morley's though obvs…

Elsewhere London partied like it had never partied before as the dance music community rallied together in what was a special occasion in unity with Houghton festival. Thanks so much to everyone who came down to Corsica last Friday for our impromptu party which celebrated some of the unsung heroes of the Houghton festival lineup and those behind the scenes, we raised over £5,000 for charity and appreciate every single one of you who made it out on the night. Big ups!

This week Ransom Note was usurped by the BBC as they put to practise an idea which we had been planning on turning into a tumblr for some time… So if anyone else now fancies it please feel free? We bring you DJ's playing in places that nobody ever asked for a DJ to play… (Trademark that shit © )

See Examples below:

Paul Oakenfold playing to absolutely nobody at Stonehenge…

Reggie Yates plays to some golfers at the HSBC sponsored golf event in Abu Dhabi…

Dj Snake plays to the whole entire city of Paris from the Arc de Triomphe…

Paul Oakenfold at it again in a Chelsea tracksuit at base camp Mount Everest…

And if she's not taking a bath she's hanging out on the Great Wall of China, where everyone is simply there for the techno and nothing else…

….. Iconic moments, all of them.

Meanwhile, the UK found the true hero it deserves this week. Whilst the Brexit analogy was solved once and for all by the wonderful world of the internet who helped put things into perspective for us all…

"I’m not saying there wasn’t a democratic mandate for Brexit at the time. I’m just saying if I narrowly decided to order fish at a restaurant that was known for chicken, but said it was happy to offer fish, and so far I’ve been waiting three hours, and two chefs who promised to cook the fish had quit, and the third one is promising to deliver the fish in the next five minutes whether it’s cooked or not, or indeed still alive, and all the waiting staff have spent the last few hours arguing amongst themselves about whether I wanted battered cod, grilled salmon, jellied eels or dolphin kebabs, and if large parts of the restaurant appeared to be on fire but no-one was paying attention to it because they were all arguing about fish, I would quite like, just once, to be asked if I definitely still wanted the fish."

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, shit, whilst I was writing this I almost missed my damn turn, sorry guys one sec.

And, we are back. It was national cat day last week, we love the wee furry assholes, even though they hate us with venom and passion.

Where did ya'll sit at school?

Oh and i'm going on holiday next week so get it round all of ye, it's going to be great. I'll leave you with some of our favourite memes and online wonders of the world this week…