This Week… Has anyone ever told you just how stupid you are?

"Do dirt, get dirt. So I treat people with the same respect that I want." – D. MX

"Stupid People." – J. Corbyn

"Possibly the fact that I was physically quite feeble, a relatively short little fellow, attracted me to that idea of a very authoritative and aggressive version of Conservative politics." – J. Bercow

On the 1st day of Christmas my work colleague said to me…

"Mourinho's been sacked".

Not sure he was ever committed to the job seeing as he lived in a £600-a-night Lowry hotel during his entire tenure. He'll land on his feet soon enough.

On the 2nd day of Christmas, my boss said to me, "Imagine being in a room with Cliffy".

Cliff Richard is still writing music and (old) people are still buying it. Fuck knows why. Look.

Admittedly though, that red and green effect is truely something, eh!

On the 3rd day of Christmas a State Senator had to apologised for tweeting "Kill Yourself" to someone who accused him of abusing his parking permit.

On the 4th day of Christmas Amazon suggested to me… to buy a drone. 18% off, only £939.99, (was £1,149.00)!!!

Okay, sure! Can't wait to fly it it over an international airport and force it to ground all the flights and leaving tens of thousands of passengers affected by delays.

Get a fucking life, CUNTBAGS! Apparently the've sent in snipers to sort it out. FUCK YEAH!

On the 5th day of Christmas my BBC6Music reminded me that the sound of the summer is here…

On the 6th day of Christmas social media was trending because Jezza Corbyn said something naughty in Parliament.

"OR-DERRRRRR"

On the 7th day of Christmas my mind keeps wan-der-ing…

*Innapropriate content coming up*

"And that is how you make an Irish car bomb".

On the 8th day of Christmas it turns out that the nutter who was caught on camera doing this…

…was orginally only given a 2 year suspended! What a topsy turvy world we live in, eh m8's?

On the 9th day of Christmas my mate said to me… that she was getting a £2k bonus from her work….at Wagamama's! Jheez!

On the 10th day of Christmas, my news feed said to me that the Ocean Cleanup project isnt without it's problems.

But fair fucking play that this idea has even seen the light of day and not just some concept being shared on social media.

On the 11th dy of Christmas, I puked when I heard this story…

On the 12h day of Christmas, my intuition said to me… I WAS FUCKING RIGHT ABOUT THE AI ROBOT TAKEOVER!

On the 13th day of Christmas I answered "Fucking shit tbh" to this question…

One final word before we completely switch off…

The child is a king
The caroller sing
The old is past
There's a new beginning.
Dreams of Santa
Dreams of snow
Fingers numb
Faces aglow