This Week… Jesus Is Coming Look Busy

"A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together." – Garrison Keillor

"Feed The World." – A bunch of rich people

"Here we, here we, here we f**ing go" – Tiesto

The season of good will is now upon our blessed souls. This means hangover's galore and enough mince pies to sink the Titanic. Maybe that's what really happened? They were all so jacked up on raisins and pastry that the metal frame of that poor bastard ship decided to pack it in and sink them all. Anyway, the big story this week is the fact that Ikea has issued a formal warning to teenagers stating that they must not sleepover in the store. The announcement came after a video went viral and ever since then kids have been popping up in shop cupboards, eating all the meatballs and stealing hundreds of free pencils. To be fair, it sounds great…

STORM BARBARA

Seriously, why do we name storms? Who's job is it? Are they paid? Why Barbara? Why?

President is scared of Snowmen…

Yup, to be honest we'd be pretty scared of the rise of an overwight white man looming outside our house too… Oh wait.