This Week...Let's Hear It For The Boys

Commentary

"It sounds like Moby, sang through a toilet roll" – Kieran Delaney Forever

"It’s only people like Chris Packham that want to sabotage nature" – Ian Botham

"Beefy’s batting on a sticky wicket" – Chris Packham

"Hey man, we are in Champions League Dilly ding, dilly dong. Come on. You speak about blah, blah, blah but we are in Champions League. Come on man, fantastic. Terrific." – Claudio Ranieri

WHITE MAN ANNOYED HE'S NOT BEING REPRESENTED

I don't know about you but I feel it's about time someone stood up for me, the man. Too long have I felt discriminated against for automatically gaining more rights, more opportunities and more freedoms based only on my gender. While as a man I can relate to things like Only Fools And Horses, Top Gear, DIY SOS, Men Behaving Badly, anything on Dave, anything on Bravo, Chris Moyles, 80s power rock, looking into a car bonnet as if I know what I'm doing, B&Q and literally millions of other things where's our equivalent of Sex And The City? Who's standing up for our rights? Thankfully that falls with Tory MP Philip Davies who spoke about 'feminist zealots' and how women who would like to keep custody of their children are 'bitter about their failed relationship'.

Addressing the J4MB conference, a Men's rights group who talk of anti-Male bias in the BBC and home to the 'Lying Feminist of the Month' award, Phil Davies is presumably either a) a 44 year old man who's never lost his virginity but has got reeeeaaaally close, like, a bunch of times, b) did have sex once but it was with a girl on holiday and you wouldn't know her or c) is upset having only recently discovered that 'sugar tits' is not a term of endearment. Appearing on front of some of the UK's most well-known anti-feminist bloggers and Olympic grade masturbators Philip spoke aside a board that conveniently informed me of what issues specific ONLY to a man can expect to face on this long treacherous path we call masculinity. Education, employment, homelessness, fatherlessness and presumably a little lower down gappy facial hair are only a number of things we have to face while women live a care free life of opportunity and freedom. Thankfully I have a feeling that Philip will be 100% on the side of history with this one so we'll just let him fight our battles for us.

ISIS: THE OBAMA YEARS

Although it doesn't seem to be included in the 'Experience' section of the individual LinkedIn profiles of Barack and Hillary this week it has been revealed that they literally created ISIS. Formed as an 80s cover band that got wayyyyy out of hand after some creative differences ISIS are known to be the U2 of global terrorism, you don't know anyone who likes them but through some miracle are incredibly popular. Much like Queen in the 80s Barack, dressed as Freddie Mercury but with an average at best vocal range, was the pivotal force in creating some of the groups biggest hits. However Barack is no longer a part of the group and, much like Queen today, has been replaced with a much less charismatic leader as if nothing ever happened. Brian May is still a part of both groups in question.