Asking For A Friend #32

Knock a hole through your wall, slap on some WD-40 and get ready for a bumper pre-Xmas edition of Asking For A Friend!

The world's sinking its fangs into its own tail, and bitter cynicism is more an inevitability than a trendy affectation. That's why we love the endearingly naive questions of Mitch Davis' friend. He's a genuine ingénue, a blank canvas as yet unsullied by venom. But once again he's in need of a little assistance. Go on, see if you can help him out with any of these:

Is it safe to replace one of your wheels with a log?

Asking for a comrade.

Can you fax sheets of LSD?

Asking for a friend.

Anyone care to join me and my folks for dinner?

Asking for a friend.

Anyone want to buy a plasma TV?

Asking for a friend.

I'm begging you, please please vote for me, I'm really fucking desperate and need to buy more drugs.

Asking for a friend.

If I wear a bread suit… will I attract more birds?

Asking for a friend.

Can you sue The Metro for publishing your breakfast tips without any credit?

Asking for a friend.

Should I wear my new bacon pants on a first date with a vegan?

Asking for a friend.

Have I passed?

Asking for a friend.

Is it illegal to take photos of your neighbours' new extension?

Asking for a friend.

Anyone want to pre-order an erotic calendar for 2016?

Asking for a friend.

Any promoters need a DJ for the festive season?

Asking for a friend.

Where am I?

Asking for a friend.

Anyone want to buy a TV? (Comes with a small person)

Asking for a friend.

If I wear this, will I get a girlfriend?

Asking for a friend.