This Week… Spoons Is Best, Unicorns & Office Xmas Parties

"Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help." A Borowitz

“What do you mean get off the shelves?" I Mcquaid

"- Now you're the expert. Is this enough to get 20 people hammered?
– 15 bottles of vodka? Yea, that should do it."

"The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven't seen for twenty minutes."

"What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day."

“I feel like I’ve just been to the dentist, my mouth is all numb”

mmmmmmmmspoooonsr$nxmasparty last night… mmmmmmfeel great. Mmmm the foood was amazing. 

"A plane full of people headed to LA got a free trip to Nebraska thanks to a passenger who wouldn't stop masturbating on a Virgin America flight, forcing the plane to make an emergency landing."

Walk on the ice mate… it's clear! 

Dear Lucas Levitan, you're brilliant;

Sexual harrassment stock photos;

Brain hurts… must go to pub. 

"Merry Christmas, nearly everybody! Ogden Nash 

xx